Sackless eh summick?

It was a dark June night. The diving chums had had a good dive on the James Egan Laine. They’d taken the club BWM inflatable out from Mountbatten in the late evening and sped across the well travelled water past Rame Head to the shallow bay where the famous wreck lay. They’d had the wreck to themselves and explored parts that they hadn’t previously done at night. It was such a jolly adventure. The last pair emerged from the dark water around 11 o’clock and reluctantly got back into the inflatable.

“Golly gosh”, said Tom “did you see that phospherence as we swam through the holds. Wasn’t it just great!”

“Well we would have if you hadn’t stirred it all up for us as you lumbered through – you great lummock” said Jack.

“Now come on boys stop it. Don’t mind him, you know he’s only kidding you Tom. I could see it perfectly well. I think those pink flashes must have been Noctiluna – it’s very active at this time of year. ”

“Oh alright Arthur. Just kidding Tom. You know your buoyancy control is much better than last year.” Jack relaxed as the rest of his diving kit was stowed along the racks. “Who’s got the hot chocolate?”

“Here you are. There’s loads of it. Feel free.” said Jim the cox. “So you enjoyed the dive? Great wasn’t it? Hold on now lads as off we go.”

The chums tucked into the coffee as Jim powered the boat up. He knew these waters and had taken care to spot the crab pot markers on the way out. As he neared Rame Head he manouvered the inflatable around the headland and soon they could see the welcoming lights of Plymouth in front. Another 15 mins and they’d be back at the slipway. As they sped along the dark silvery water with the clear star studded sky above them they all felt happy and content. This was what diving was all about. Soon they were approaching the low line of the breakwater on their right. They were now in the main shipping channel but apart from their inflatable there was nothing around apart from a couple of naval frigates moored up for the night. Suddenly the engine sputtered and stopped.

“Oh dear” said Jim. “We need to change tanks. I was hoping to do it on one. Never mind. Can one of you guys change over?”

“Sure thing.” said Jack as he bent down and scrabbled around the tanks relacing the input feed. “There that should do it. “

Jim turned the ignition. The engine wouldn’t fire.

“Come on Jim stop mucking about, take us home.” said Fred.

Jim carried on trying to start the engine with no luck.

“We’ve got a problem lads. Has anyone got any bright ideas?”

As you can imagine, all the chums had a go at turning the engine over but nobody had any success. They were stranded in the main shipping channel of Plymouth and it was now very dark and rather quiet.

“Shouldn’t we call the coastguard?” said Fred hopefully.

“Well let’s just try again first.” said Jack as he turned the key with increasing desperation. He didn’t want to admit defeat.

Meanwhile the boat was gently drifting. In the dark they hadn't realised that they were heading straight towards one of Her Majesty’s frigates that was moored nearby.

“Jumping jellyfish, we’re getting a bit near to that boat.” said Tom. “Shouldn’t we get the oars out and start rowing?”

“Good idea” said Jim. “Come on lads we don’t want to get near to that.”

They started rowing, but the current still took them nearer and nearer to the frigate. A dark figure moved on the brow of the naval vessel.

“Golly gosh, there’s a man with a gun.” exclaimed Fred. “I hope he isn’t going to shoot.”

“Don’t anyone say Bin Laden.” whispered Jack as they drifted towards the bows of the dark and slightly menancing vessel.

“Gan canny eh ye’ll dunsh inna weh or summick” came out over the water.

“What was that? What did he say?” said Tom.

“I think they’re foreign.” whispered Jack. “Maybe it’s a German boat. Part of naval exercises. They often do this in Plymouth you know. Let’s try talking to them.”

“Sprechen sie Deutsch? We are Engleesh divers.” shouted Jim in a large voice as their inflatable converged on the bows of the vessel. The chums looked nervously up as they could see a man with a gun looking over the rails of the deck above them.

“Yee diwent gandie leik divas te me” was the reply as the figure continued to look over them with his gun handled confidently above them. The inflatable was now moving slowly down along the hull and the figure kept tracking them as they headed for the stern.

“He’s not German.” said Tom “maybe he’s French or Dutch.”

“Parlez vous Francais? Nous sommes les plongeurs anglais et notre engine est ferme” shouted Jack.

“Ar yee sackless eh summick?” came the response.

“I don’t think that’s French.” said Fred “sounds dialect to me”

“Aa’ve eirders te shwet en seit” the figure continued as the inflatable passed along the hull and got to the stern. A couple of sailors were hanging out waving at them to go away.

“Fookin haddaweeh” they shouted. “Radio the coastguard yee twats.”

By now the inflatable had got past the frigate and was being carried along by the current towards Penlee.

“I think they’re English.” said Jim. “Come on let’s radio in. We should have done this before.”

“Brixham coastguard, Brixham coastguard this is Totnes diver 1 Totnes diver 1, over”

The airwaves crackled as the quick response came through. Tom replied.

“Brixham coastguard, this is Totnes diver 1. We have 5 divers on board an inflatable with engine problems in Plymouth sound. We are drifting and request assistance.”

By now it was obvious to our hapless divers that they had to anchor their boat and wait for assistance. Arthur pulled out the little used anchor and chain and popped it overboard. At least something worked on the boat. Their slow drift was now arrested and they waited in the dark just out of the main shipping channel. The coastguard had alerted the harbour police and within minutes the radio told them to switch channels and await instructions. Although all was dark and quiet around, the police launch was out and about and the dive boat could be clearly seen by them or so they said. Jack waved a torch in the air.

"Totnes diver - we can see your lights. We shall be with you in around 4 minutes."

"But where are they?" said Fred. "I can't see or hear anything."

"Well it's disguised. They've got muffled engines and they can see us because they've got night vision and we haven't." said Arthur excitedly.

Within minutes they could see a moving light and with hardly a sound the police launch hove alongside.

"Well lads broken down have you" said a cheery voice. "Five on board? No other problems? Fine. Well we'll just attach a tow line and take you back to Mountbatten."

A tow line was quickly attached. Suddenly there were other voices. Another boat had quietly appeared at the stern with two military police. The chums were glad that they seemed friendly and that no caustic comments were made about their stricken vessel.

"No problems Dave." shouted one of the policemen. "We'll take these guys back in."

As the tow began the chums realised their adventure was nearly over. A bit crestfallen they hoped that news about their tow wouldn't be too widely known. And what was the Diving Officer or Mike going to say about this? Still thought Jim - it could happen to anyone. When they were about 100 yards from the Mountbatten slip, the launch released the tow, bade them goodnight after taking a contact name and address and left them to paddle in. It was 1.00 in the morning and they still had the haul home.

Note. This incident did happen, although the names and the style of events have been changed. The navy certainly did not threaten us, but the guard did have a gun.The cause of the breakdown was insufficient oil in the engine which meant that one of the cylinders wouldn't fire. A donation was made to the lifeboat fund and it was tactfully pointed out to us that harbour police didn't have to tow in a broken down dive boat. A lot was learnt that night by a grateful set of divers.