A Duvet In My Membrane!

For me Diving came to an abrupt halt at the end of October and January finds me marooned in the warm smoky confines of the Fool & Bladder, with its gently sloping car park covered with its assortment of canoes, bathtubs and the odd Zodiac. Will it never stop bloody raining?

A cloud of ash rises from the ancient hearth and settles on damp shoulders and everything else in the bar. Due to the weather and my previous dry suit not doing its job, Trench foot has set in again. Sipping this fine drop of cider and no longer able to focus, my mind wandered back over the previous season.

My first dry suit was not quite the same shape as myself. Six pairs of socks and 4lb ankle weights only just managed to keep the size 12 booties under control! The rest of the suit required a golf ball size lump of lard to get into !

Easter arrived! And with it a new dry suit, delayed due to the sudden death of H2O my local dive shop's goldfish. The shop was closed on pool day ! Therefore I was unable to test the suit, (with its roomy duvet like thermals) before arriving in Cornwall. The first dip in the briney with 18kg was not enough to send my mortal coil on its way to the bottom. But with another 2kg hurled from the Rib and stashed in the cavernous pockets of Ye old Spiro stab jacket, I was finally able to get on down !

At 15m I felt heavy and unstable with a suit I didn't have a clue how to drive ! The boulder that appeared in front of me was about to remind me of that fact. A quick squirt on the suit valve sent me up 2 mts, 4 mts. Below the dark shape of the species BSAC Advanced Diver swims sedately into view. Uncoiling from the fetal position, there just couldn't any more air in this suit !

Head down and pedaling like a five-year-old, will I be able to stop this pit from getting any bigger? Alas it was not to be. I watched in horror as the bright yellow 4lb weight released itself from the stab jacket pocket and plummeted downwards. Advanced Diver continued serenely on its chosen course, unmoved as the bright yellow lead lump passed through its field of vision. Impressed and inverted, I saluted the work of Instructors past and present !

Legs going like pistons and totally knackered from swearing. I surfaced, to the delight of the boat handler. I greeted him with the OK signal.. A pair of fins upright in the swell !

Looking at my computer, I had been down less than 5 minutes.

Dan Grant - February 2000